i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
