we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
