What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
