Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize