doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
