meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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