You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
