I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize