hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
