Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
