"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
