Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
