i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
