the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
