did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
