White coat. Heels.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize