Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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