I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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