In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
