great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
