glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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