DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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