I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you inspire me to be a worse person
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize