Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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