My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
