His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
