I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
