If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize