Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He kissed a someone with a penis
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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