Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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