We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
