Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
