I think i sorta joined a cult last night
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
