oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Operation Purity has been aborted
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
