Just cropdusted the office
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
