i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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