Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
