i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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