You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Randomize
