he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm like, not good at living.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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