I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
