There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Actions speak louder than pants.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
