I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize