I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
