Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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