gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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