I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Houston, we have a squirter
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
