It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
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