Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
