you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
