ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
