Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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