it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
