are you so shy because you have an std?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
