forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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