3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
