apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
