Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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