her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize