If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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