dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I am naked and annoyed.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
