I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he was CRYING into my vagina
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
