did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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