so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
