i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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