Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize