if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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