Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
