Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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