literally had 100 drinks last night.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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