I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
